For immediate release: Commercial landscape provider U.S. Lawns to switch solely to hand cutting grass to align with new sustainability strategies.
Declaring that bold effort was the only way to stave off the devastating planetary effects of climate change, a new environmental initiative effective April 1st calls for exclusively hand cutting all clients lawns. “Together we can save humanity from climate change. Right now we’re in the midst of a terrifying biodiversity crisis. Hand cutting grass can mitigate much of that damage, and will increase the diverse wilderness available to flora and fauna by 20 million percent. We can all commit today to being part of the solution to rising carbon dioxide levels by creating pristine new planets.”
We appreciate your patience as service times will lag considerably as we tackle the unique challenges posed by commitment to this strategy.